Dumbplumber’s War on GOP Candidates

I've came, I’ve seen, I’ve dismissed.  So far I have delisted most of the GOP field for president.  It goes something like this:

Sarah Palin:  Out, she’s too busy spending the money I sent her, on Jet A fuel to appear with Alec Baldwin on Saturday Nite Live.

Jeb Bush:  Hey, he’s a Bush, strikes one, two and three.

Chris Christie:  He needs to lose another hundred pounds and his asshole attitude.  He'd make a far better Democrat candidate than Republican. 

Rick Santorum:  He will be president right after my cat becomes queen of the world.

Tom Tancredo:  Good man, but one mission, illegal aliens.

Rand Paul:  Good senator with a nutball father.  Wants to appease illegal aliens.  Goodbye.

Marco Rubio:  Did I mention amnesty for illegal aliens? 

Ben Carson:  If he had James Earl Jones voice, he would already be president.  I don’t like lectures from monotone candidates.

Mike Hucka……:  Hey Goober, take your biscuits and gravy back to Arkansas.

Scott Walker:  Scott Walker, good man who got his ethanol mixed up with his politics.

Ted Cruz:  I really don’t have a bad thing to say about Ted, but wait until next week.  

Rick Perry:  Hey Rick, this is the big one.  Stop practicing your opening act.


The Dumbplumber