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Sunday, May 11, 2014

Selling Cars on Craigslist

For sale:  1972 Pinto w/ Firestone 500 tires  ($250k)

I have this piece of crap ‘72 Pinto wagon, with 350,000 miles, three bald tires, rust in both quarters and running on 3 cylinders, for the incredibly low price of $250,000.

It has original paint, or what’s left of it, ripped upholstery, a place for a radio, drain hole in the floor and duct tape on both vent windows.  And yes, it’s a classic.  Never needs smog!

And many wonder why I am letting go of this creampuff for so little.  Well my uninformed friends, after seeing a butchered, rusted-out ‘65 Chevy 4X4, ¾ ton pickup listed at $6,500, a rusted out, dinged up ‘52 Chevy coupe, with busted out windows, and an empty hole where the engine is supposed to be, for $5,900 bucks, well then the Pinto is beginning to look like a bargain. 

Nevermind that on any given day I see listings for cars that insults everyone’s intelligence.  For instance, I see offerings of $6 or $8k, that would lead to a total investment of $30k to yield a $20k vehicle.  Yes, do the math and you too can go bankrupt building classic vehicles. 

And of course none of this financial wizardry would be possible without the help of reality tv and America’s collector car auctions, who are ginning up the values of “project” vehicles to the stratosphere, while the producers of these tv shows are subsidizing the project build-ups and the auctions are catering to clientele doing their damndest to spend grandpas millions, before grandma finds out. 

To be fair, I haven’t seen such mauling of reality since our president told us Obamacare would lower the cost of our health insurance.   Dumbplumber

Friday, April 11, 2014

U.S. Bovine Patrol

It has come to the Dumbplumber’s attention that the U.S. Bureau of Land Management is vigorously enforcing laws and regulations on BLM land.  They are seizing and killing cattle for no other reason than the cattle are eating and pooping on U.S. property, without paying fees.

Well folks, I suggest BLM change places with the U.S. Border Patrol, who have no problem letting illegal aliens do the same thing, while Uncle Sam extracts tens of billions from the pockets of honest hardworking Americans to support them once they arrive here. 

The cattle are being held without bail at an undisclosed location and could not be reached for comment.

No, You Cannot Make this Up.

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

the Sheeples Testicles

A recent posting on perfectly characterizes Obamacare and the Obama administration. 

Seems that a man from Malawi, Zambia allowed a hyena to eat his testicles, because a medicine man told him it would make him rich.  All it really did was put him in intensive care in a Zambian hospital.

Now I don’t want to go out on a limb here, but I believe it was a Kenyan politician, not a Zambian medicine man, that sold this bill of goods to the victim, which also cost him his freedom, liberty and any chance of future prosperity. 

Not to worry though, under the tutelage of the Kenyan politician he will forever be screwed, even without his testicles. 

Welcome to Amerika, comrade.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Politically Obvious

I recently commented that if Allan West sounded more like James Earl Jones, he would already be president. 

Well that got me to thinking.  If Rand Paul sounded more like Trey Gowdy, he would be a presidential shoe-in.  Instead he sounds like Mike Huckabee during a sleep over at Gomer Pyle’s house.

Paul Ryan would be better at selling Veg-a-matics than hawking his tax reforms.

And Nancy Pelosi would make a better loony ‘street artist’ than anything out there.  In fact, loons everywhere complain she makes them look sane.

But the clown car driver slot is in heated contention between Henry Waxman, Harry Reid and Joe Biden.  Pee Wee Herman was not available for comment.

And we can’t leave without commenting on the Conservative credentials of Senators Lindsey Graham and minority leader Mitch McConnell.  When they’re not touting their ‘conservative’ credentials, they’re making backroom deals with Obama and Harry Reid.  Think of them as the Neville Chamberlin of the U.S. Congress.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

My Rudeness

Okay, this tears it!   Yesterday our regional newspaper editor referred to me as “rude”.  So after about 6 years of engaging with his rag-tag band of trolling Libtards, with rational responses to hysterical, lame-brained assaults, I have now officially hit the bottom of Commenter Hell.

How about this folks:  After you have exhausted all avenues of reason, to vicious, vacuous comments; after you have attempted every common-sense, historically referenced, rational attempt to persuade the rabid dogs of Progressivism; after the Train-of-Logic has left the rails and headed into the abyss of doom, in the final throes of futility, in a fruitless attempt to inject some sanity in an otherwise unhinged and loony adversary, then and only then is it necessary to revert to “Rudeness” to make your point.

Well, in a word, I’m SORRY my rudeness has somehow injured your dainty and fragile sensibilities.  I’m sorry I put decorum on the back burner, next to civility and dignity.  But my rudeness was the last stop on my trip to save you from yourself and your kind. 

If I am ignorant of a ‘successful industrialized’ country with a socialized government, we are attempting to emulate, perhaps you would enlighten me.

In the alternative, if you can muster the courage to supply me with your formula for survival and success, while we continue on with policies, procedures, ‘knuckle-headed’ tax and spend strategies and the UNSUSTAINABLE and endless union march to national bankruptcy, where 12% of the population will receive gold plated pension and health benefits, paid for by 100% of the working class, all of which currently has accumulated unfunded liabilities in excess of $144 trillion, well then I will be the first to apologize. 

And if an accomplished newspaper editor doesn't recognize sarcasm, irony and satire as being different than "Rudeness", well then he really needs some introspection. 

Until then you will pardon me my rudeness.  I have no more time or energy to debate with STUPID people.

Oh, was that RUDE?

Friday, March 21, 2014

Transparent Flight 370

It’s now official.  We know virtually everything about the crew of Malaysian Airlines flight 370, that recently went missing. We know everything about the flight crew's families, friends and girlfriends.  We know about their hobbies, where they bank and their religion.  We know their work history, their politics, their personal foibles and their favorite colors. 

We know that two Iranian men, who entered Malaysia on their own passports, used stolen ones to board the plane. 

We know the names, addresses and personal histories of everyone on board. And we also know that at least 5 people had boarding passes that did not use them.

Yes folks, it’s now official.  In two weeks we know more about the 273 folks that were on a foreign flight, than we've learned about our own president in 5 years.

Monday, January 13, 2014

The Traveling Class

It’s one of those things you might not notice, if it were not for the season.  The trees are bare, the wind is blowing, the sun is nowhere to be seen.  But yet there is nary a space open at the dozens of camp trailer parks from Mt. Shasta to Eugene, Oregon on the I-5corridor.

We first noticed the unseasonable RV gatherings while driving down the freeway in Redding a few weeks ago.  The parks were bustling with campers and motor homes, complete with potted plants, hanging clothes, piled possessions and other signs of permanent inhabitants.  But then again, Redding is much warmer than say Old Station or Burney.

However, in our recent trip north to Oregon, these facilities were crammed with tenants everywhere along the way.  Some spaces even had more than one vehicle, like multiple tenants or families in one location.  Clearly these weren’t ‘snow birds’ hop-scotching their way to Arizona.  These were most definitely folks transitioning from their previous lives to the realities of living in bliss under the thumb of Big Government.

So, not to point out the obvious, but it appears that the “economic recovery” isn’t leaving everyone under bridges or in government housing.  It is an economic tsunami pulling the middle class out of their conventional homes and shoving them into portable housing and quasi-permanent terra firma, where the fixed incomes stretches further and blacktop stretches forever.

And no matter how much smoke the government blows under our trailer skirting, this is the realities of the future and the consequences of highly misleading campaigning combined with low information voting.  About the only good news is that without 'Voter ID' these folks will be able to vote all up and down the Interstates.

And no matter the gathering chatter to, “kick them all out”, you can bet your permanent foundation that they will vote most of them back in.  So, given that every two years the majority of voters forget the pounding they took the previous two, a good argument could be made for ‘voting dementia‘. 

We get the government we deserve and vote for.