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Monday, March 16, 2015

Adolescent Paradise

I’ve been giving some thought about all these 15,16 and 17 year old girls packing up from the UK and America and heading up to Syria to join up with ISIS.  Yeah, yeah, I know, at this age they do most of their thinking with their vaginas, but I digress. 

From a practical standpoint, how the ‘chazizell’ can these twatwaffles climb on an airplane (apparently with passports) and just wing their way to Turkey, then Syria, while Mom is getting her nails done and Dad is banging his secretary?  Do they have that many free air miles?  A bottomless AmEx? 

And I want to know how they got through security with that much K-Y Jelly.  Cause you know that dude on You Tube told them to bring plenty, for the party.  What other logical (yeah, I used that word loosely huh) explanation could there be?  No showers?  No need to change clothes, because you won’t have any below the Burka?(It slows down the foreplay)  You won’t have to do dishes?  (No, the goats lick them clean).  What?

Maybe the momentary thoughts of teaching Dad and Mom a lesson, for all that ‘parenting’ stuff sent them off the mental radar.  I mean, they’ll show the parents they aren’t the boss of me!  I can have all the sex I want, with whoever I want!  (Yeah, and that’ll just be the first day.  After that, It’ll be with way more and with way, way more than you want)

About 48 hours in an ISIS sweatbox with 40 or 50 cranked up jihads, will start making those long afternoons looking out the bay window of Daddy’s seaside mansion start to look pretty good. 

And when the initial bleeding is replaced by calluses and oozing blisters, well then a weekend doing dishes and re-grouting the bathrooms will look like a piece of paradise.  No sir, about the only thing the bottomless Bloomingdales card will be good for is sharpening one edge and slicing one’s own throat. 

And as for Daddy and Mommy, look for them to sell out and move with no forwarding address, because you just did them the biggest favor of your life.  Sayonara, you worthless piece of crap.

Monday, March 09, 2015

Dumbplumber’s War on GOP Candidates



I've came, I’ve seen, I’ve dismissed.  So far I have delisted most of the GOP field for president.  It goes something like this:

Sarah Palin:  Out, she’s too busy spending the money I sent her, on Jet A fuel to appear with Alec Baldwin on Saturday Nite Live.

Jeb Bush:  Hey, he’s a Bush, strikes one, two and three.

Chris Christie:  He needs to lose another hundred pounds and his asshole attitude.  He'd make a far better Democrat candidate than Republican. 

Rick Santorum:  He will be president right after my cat becomes queen of the world.

Tom Tancredo:  Good man, but one mission, illegal aliens.

Rand Paul:  Good senator with a nutball father.  Wants to appease illegal aliens.  Goodbye.

Marco Rubio:  Did I mention amnesty for illegal aliens? 

Ben Carson:  If he had James Earl Jones voice, he would already be president.  I don’t like lectures from monotone candidates.

Mike Hucka……:  Hey Goober, take your biscuits and gravy back to Arkansas.

Scott Walker:  Scott Walker, good man who got his ethanol mixed up with his politics.

Ted Cruz:  I really don’t have a bad thing to say about Ted, but wait until next week.  

Rick Perry:  Hey Rick, this is the big one.  Stop practicing your opening act.


The Dumbplumber



Saturday, March 07, 2015

Bongo Bongino

Former Secret Service agent Dan Bongino has his knickers in a knot over the Hillary Clinton email scandal.  Seems that dear Dan believes Bill, Hillary and the entire government apparatchik operates by a different set of rules than the "Little People".  Wow Dan, who turned on your light bulb?

Dan has failed as a politician, failed as a servant of the Constitution, failed his Oath of Office, failed as a Patriot.  And now he wants to weigh in on an email scandal!

Bongino had an opportunity to change the direction of this fucked up country and he blew it.  He was arms length from Bill, Hill and their cadre of traitors working 24/7 to violate the Constitution and their Oaths of Office.  He didn't need to cap them with his 'Nine', he could have rung their necks with his bare hands. 

Likewise every Secret Service agent on duty today, who has sworn to uphold the Constitution and protect America from enemies from without and within, are forsaking their sworn duty.

Mr. Bongino can kiss my ass.  He had his chance, he won't get another one.  So Dan, go back to your man-cave and shut the fuck up.  Cash those retirement checks, like all those generals on Fox News, that didn't say diddly about Obama until they were ensconced in their gold plated retirements, AND now are outraged by his leadership. 

You all can go to Hell.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Unionize ISIS

In the Obama administration’s lame attempts to describe ISIS, about every characterization has been submitted except the real one….they’re terrorists stupid.  Now that wasn’t so hard to say now was it?

We’ve heard “disgruntled splinter groups”, “unhappy freedom fighters”, “random murderers”, and lately we’ve been given, and wait for this, “aggressive job seekers”.  What we haven’t heard is RADICAL ISLAMIC TERRORISTS.  These depictions have all, of course, come directly from agencies controlled by the worst president of all time, and from the president himself. 

However, I think I have discovered some common ground.  UNIONS!  Yes, you heard it from me first.  ISIS just needs to form a union and all its troubles will be forgotten.  I mean, our media never condemns a union for beating or killing folks they brand as scabs, whose only crime was crossing a picket line.  It’s like OK.  To the Left, unions are the glue that binds liberal assholes together.  Unions make the most noise, cause the most damage, extort the most money and give the largest donations to democrat campaigns. 

Unions are to freedom, what condoms are to reproduction.  Yes, my stupid, progtard friends, your only salvation is to get ISIS unionized.  And do it fast before a small band of well armed, well trained Navy Seals and Army Rangers put an end to your ISIS dreams forever. 

Your second challenge will be to train or enlist qualified mechanics to work on those scavenged Hummers and purloined Abrams tanks.  The Toyota and Nissan gun trucks will run forever, but American armament requires constant maintenance.  But don’t worry about parts.  The American government thinks all those high tech parts they send to Yemen, stays in Yemen.

And nothing says happy worker like over-time, double time, full healthcare and a shop steward to get in boss’ face when things start to go Dixie.  And don’t worry about blending.  ISIS will meld with union workers like peanut butter to chocolate.  Remember the Wisconsin Capitol building a few years ago?  If that wasn’t ISIS in training, well then what was it?  No my friends, unionizing ISIS is the only way to save America.

Because once they are unionized, they’ll be so busy taking coffee breaks, sniveling about benefits and threatening Conservative politicians, they won’t have time to behead and incinerate the Christians.

Monday, February 16, 2015

Things that Don't Matter



It occurred to me that some things really don’t matter.  Wars matter, blizzards matter, calamities matter, deaths (sometimes) matter, catastrophes matter and, whether I like to admit it or not, elections matter.

Likewise, laws, regulations, directives, presidential orders, decrees, edicts, memos, dictates and ordinances matter, because each and every one chips away at our liberties and freedoms.  In fact there are over 71,000 pages of things you cannot do today that you could do just seven years ago. 

But number one on my list of things that don’t matter is Kim Kardashian, or anything Kardashian for that matter (and that includes Mr. Kardashian, Bruce Jenner).  But hardly a day goes by that we don’t have headlines blaring something a Kardashian has done, said, believes or has taken her clothes off for.  In fact, I know more about this empty headed bimbo than I ever wanted to know.

So, with so much Kardashian news, I am wondering how Brian Williams was able to elbow his way into the spotlight. 

Simple, he committed a journalism felony.  He said he had done things even an empty headed Liberal could not believe.  No, he didn’t sleep with a Kardashian, but he might have thought he did.  And when the Liberal meat grinder went into overdrive, Mr. Williams was banished to his multi-million dollar domicile to ponder how he was going to make his multi-millions last until he got back on the liberal gravy train. 

You see, I don’t give a rats ass about Brian Williams.  He has received more money in one month than 80% of America makes in a lifetime.  If you are grieving for Brian, pull a couple of Benjamin’s out of your wallet and dry your eyes.  No, Brian is lying in the bed he made.  Move on.

Now Gov. Kitzhaber has fallen off his perch so fast he can’t make the first 50 stories on Yahoo.  Goodbye to bad rubbish…..




Friday, February 13, 2015

Mayhem and Meanderings

Over the past several months a nagging thought has been in the back of my mind.  This may not be the most articulate, but I have to say it:

Recently, the MSM in general and Democrats in particular have been spouting that Scott Walker is NOT qualified to be president because he did not graduate college. 

No where is it mentioned that 435 law makers and our current administration have brought us to the brink of financial disaster, disdain among the world's leaders, condemnation from our military and outrage among most of our population, and THEY all have college degrees.

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You will not find truth in Congress, in the Administration or on the Mainstream Media.  Each and every one is a fraud factory.  But only one makes a professional offender take a 'time out' without pay.

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It was recently announced that the Longshoreman's union will be staging a work slowdown over Obama's new tax on Cadillac Healthcare Plans.  It is estimated that each member may have to fork over as much as $40,000 on the extorted health plan. 

Look for another Obama exemption.
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I am still trying to figure out why Mercury is a hazardous material, but is an ingredient in vaccines.  If you spill Mercury it requires a Hazmat team to clean it up, but if you don't inject it in your child's bloodstream they can't go to school. Heaven forbid and explanation on the 6 o'clock news.

Maybe it's time for some clarity.
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Thursday, February 12, 2015

Obama skirt

Maybe I should finish my first cuppa Joe before reading the morning blogs.

The very first story was a report that an illegal alien was arrested while wearing an Obama "skirt".  Whoa.  I backtracked and found that it was an Obama "shirt". 

Well, at this point what difference does it make.